Is that a girl or a boy? And you smile because today maybe you might just pass. But then you see their eyes register no facial hair, no knot in your throat, no bulge in your pants. They say it again, louder, tauntingly.
Is that a girl or a boy. This time they know the answer and they just want to see you squirm.
And you do.
And they snicker.
“IT” performed by Kavindu “Kavi” Ade.
There are no words for the emotions that this video causes.
I feel so fucking alone right now. I’m triggered and scared shitless. And alone.
Fucking read this, and don’t ever say shit to me again about how being in a Fraternity as a trans guy is wrong.
Rest in peace, Grandpa.
Finally a brother in the greatest fraternity that this country has ever seen.
Not gonna lie… the reason I haven’t been posting at all is because I’m ridiculously depressed.
I’m diagnosed with clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, so I’m used to this. But what I’m not used to is dealing with depression when I have reasons to feel depressed. There is so much shit going on in my life right now that I’ve just been coasting through the past several weeks. And to be totally honest, the only reason I’m alive right now is because of my fraternity brothers. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts every single day for almost a solid month. I’m trying so fucking hard to pull myself out of this, but, as I’m sure most of you know, dealing with mental illness is hard.
Basically, the point of this post is just to ask y’all to have patience with me. I know I haven’t been responding to some of your questions/comments, and I apologize. I know I promised I’d be here, but sometimes I need to take a bit of a mental health period. I still care about all of you, and I just want to say thank you to those of you who have stuck with me throughout all of this bullshit. Here’s to hoping things get better soon.
I am gonna fucking nail my pledge final tonight.
Totally looking forward to singing to the sorority girls today.
Well, last night’s drama is officially resulting in one of the brothers of the fraternity going straight to judicial board, otherwise known as Jboard. Fun shit, yo.
These past few weeks have been from hell, I swear. But I had a blast last night with my brothers and I got to introduce my father to a lot of them, so I’m doing okay. Just running on Red Bull right now, which is not fun.
Psych test in two and a half hours! Have I studied? Nope.
How Not To Succeed In College Courses 101, taught by Professor Mikey.
God fucking dammit.
There is more drama in this fucking fraternity than in a middle school locker room.
Trigger Warning - Racism, Homophobia, Assault
I went to a fraternity event today, but this post isn’t about that. It’s about the trip there and how much I fucking love my brothers.
There were two men on the train. I was standing closest to them. Right after the doors closed, they started talking very loudly about how students should “have their heads bashed in because of their stupidity” and how “nobody fucking deserves an education in this country.” I shoved my school keychain into my pocket and stayed silent. Then these guys started talking about Obama. They declared that he was a “racist fucker” who didn’t want the white race to survive. They advocated for “world cleansing” and spewed off a whole bunch of white supremacist shit that made my stomach churn. Then came the best part.
“Any soldier who died for this fucking country is a fag. Like this kid.” I knew exactly what was going to happen a fraction of a second before it did. One of the guys slammed his shoulder into my back so hard that I collided with my pledge brother in front of me. I gripped the support bar so hard my knuckles turned white - not because I needed to catch my balance, but because I wanted to turn around and beat the shit out of this guy. I bit my tongue and typed out a quick text to my pledge brother, who had heard the bit about students but not the rest:
“These guys behind me just said all soldiers are fags like me, and then shoved me”
My pledge brother passed the message on to our vp and president and another brother who was with us. Our president was the last to read it, and he leaned over, grabbed my shirt collar, and pulled me closer to them. He looked me in the eyes and said, “I know I can’t tell you not to listen to them, but just keep looking at me. We’re getting off at the next stop.”
I felt like I was going to be sick because I was so angry. I got off the train and punched a road sign and just walked across the street without even looking for cars. I’ve run into these guys on the train once before and they’re shitheads. They know I’m gay and I cannot handle their bullshit. They’re sexist, racist, incredibly homophobic, and just fucking awful human beings.
My brothers immediately recognized how upset I was and squeezed my shoulders and tried to cheer me up by detailing how they’d fuck these two guys up if we saw them again. They were joking, of course: “I bet it’d take that asshole exactly 34 minutes to get back up! I’d knock him all the way to China and back.”
By the time we got to the event, I had a smile on my face again. Our president didn’t even know that I’m gay, but he was 150% supportive and would have easily defended me had that situation on the train escalated. The 3 other guys already know and would have definitely done the same.
Still shook me up, though. I fucking hate people sometimes.
Also, just for the record, I made a new blog that’s specifically about fraternity stuff. It’s password protected because it has personal information and details that I’d rather not publicly post to the world, but if you’d like the password, just shoot me a message off anon and I’ll be glad to give it to you.